Urgent? For who?

I recently returned home from a three-month sabbatical in Europe. As I looked through my overflowing social media inboxes, I noticed something interesting.

Almost every message communicated some level of urgency.

I had 45 brain-pick requests, seven ASAP “help me” notes, and over 100 messages (from people I’ve never interacted with) wanting quick feedback on their projects or content.

Every sender seemed to believe their request deserved priority treatment. Yes, even the complete strangers.

A younger version of me would have dropped everything to help these people. Because I used to believe that everyone else’s requests were top priority, that every task needed my attention, and every message — a fast response.

But, in reality, most of these urgent matters aren’t urgent at all.

They’re poorly planned, last-minute needs being dumped into someone else’s lap.

The Hidden Need for Approval

Maybe you’re like the younger version of me — feeling the need to respond to everything and perform for every favor that comes your way.

Let’s consider why we accept these requests.

It’s not just about being helpful.

In my experience, it was usually about wanting approval from the requester. We all want to be liked. We want to be seen as reliable, responsive, and available. Isn’t that part of being a good employee? A good friend? A good person?

I always thought so.

So, I jumped at “urgent” requests because I craved validation. That hit of dopamine when someone said, “Thank you! You’re such a lifesaver!” was addicting to me. Maybe you can relate.

The problem is that addiction comes at a high cost — I sacrificed my own priorities, my peace of mind, and, ultimately, my family.

Because when we habitually prioritize other people’s urgencies, we’re really setting a precedent  that our time (and our family’s time) is less important than anything else that might pop up. Our goals are less important. Our boundaries aren’t real.

When we drop our work to handle someone else’s emergency, we reinforce a dangerous message: Your poor planning is more important than my well-planned day.

My friend Jenny Wood, a former Google Executive, covers this concept exceptionally well in her book, Wild Courage, Go After What You Want and Get It.

She reminds us how important it is to be (as she calls it) “brutal” and to “ruthlessly prioritize.”

This image from her book captures my sentiment about how other people’s urgent agendas derail my priorities.

To achieve your goals, you have to commit to spending your time and energy on your true priorities, no matter how awkward it may feel to disappoint other people. Because if you can’t be “brutal” about your priorities, you’ll never achieve your highest goals, whatever they are.

Taking Back Control

Taking back control means respecting your time and your family’s time.

If you need help deciding what to say yes and no to, try these simple questions:

• Does this align with my current priorities?
• What am I saying no to by saying yes to this?
• Am I doing this because it’s truly important, or because I want approval?

And what about the flip side? Are you the person marking everything as urgent for other people?

Then ask yourself:

• Is this truly urgent, or did I just not plan ahead?
• Am I respecting other people’s time and priorities?
• Would I drop everything to handle this if someone asked the same of me?

Remember: When everything is urgent, nothing is urgent.

The Power of Real Priorities

When you start protecting your time, something interesting happens. People who depend on you learn to plan better themselves. They start respecting your boundaries. And the stuff that’s truly urgent becomes clear.

Will some people be disappointed? Definitely. And that’s okay. Because building a meaningful life sometimes means disappointing others to avoid constantly disappointing yourself.

How you spend your time is a reflection of your priorities. And you don’t need to apologize for prioritizing what matters to you.

And that’s all for this week.

See you next Saturday.