What’s in it for me?

Last week, I replied to a cold outreach — something I almost never do.

Not because the note was perfectly written or the timing was exactly right. And definitely not because they followed up seventeen times. (I block people who do that.)

I replied because this was the first person in a long time who thought about what I might need before asking for what they wanted.

Look, I get it. When you're building something exciting or you’re looking for some help, it's natural to focus on telling your story and putting your request out there. I’ve done this myself —before I realized what it feels like to be on the receiving end of requests.

And here's what I've learned from being on both sides:

When you make your outreach all about you, you've already lost.

I can open my inbox any day of the week and find some variation of these messages:

"I built this thing, and I need help…"
"My startup is the best, and here’s what I need from you…"
"I’ve got a great idea. Can I pick your brain for 15 minutes?…"

Over the course of my life and career, I’ve been guilty of writing these messages too. We all make this mistake at some point or another. Because it's human nature to focus on ourselves when we're excited about something.

What We Miss When We Focus on Ourselves

This week I’ve ignored 30+ brain pick requests, Zoom invites, and virtual coffees from people who might have become friends or even business partners.

Why?

Because every message felt like some kind of homework assignment for me. They gave me a job to do, for their benefit, without considering my schedule and priorities, or what I might get from the interaction.

"Can you review my landing page?"

"Can you take a look at this LinkedIn post?"

"Can you read my new book and write a review?"

"Here’s my situation. What do you recommend for me?"

I don’t ignore these messages because I’m mean or don’t want to help people. I love helping people! But unfortunately, the math doesn’t work. I simply don’t have enough minutes in the day. And if I tried to respond to each one of these, my family would be the ones who suffer.

A friend who runs a smaller creator business gets 10-15 DMs daily. She told me something that stuck: "I want to help people, but I can't be everyone's unpaid consultant."

It’s important to keep her sentiment in mind when you’re crafting cold outreach.

A Simple Shift That Changes Everything

The best cold message I’ve ever received wasn't a perfect piece of marketing or copywriting. But it was all about me, and a problem I was having. It came from Andy Kennedy, my (now) friend and collaborator.

"Hi Justin. Loved the tweet about simple landing page and content vs fancy site and FB ads. Good stuff.

Checked out your landing page. Reminds me of Linktree. Dig it. Writing you to suggest you improve contrast of the buttons. Really tough to read and Google penalizes you for using inaccessible colors. Both impact conversion.

That’s all. Cheers, friend.”

This required a little bit of homework on Andy’s side. He identified a specific problem I had, and he told me how to solve it. I replied back with a simple thank you…and that was it. Andy didn’t immediately pitch me on jumping on a Zoom or asking me for help. That was smart.

Instead, six months later, Andy came back with another message, with me and my website as the focal point. He offered to help pro-bono.

I always decline free help, but Andy definitely piqued my interest.

He drove that interest to an even higher level when he showed that he me that he knew what he was talking about.

Just look at that explanation. Consider the care and time that went into getting this right. And even better, notice what he didn’t say over the course of our DM history:

“Yo Bro — I was curious if you were open to consistently making an additional  $30k-$40k per month by turning your audience into a highly engaged private, paid community."

“Hey Bro — If I could make you an extra $10K per month through automation, would you be interested, bro?"

“My Bro — Been generatin’ mad loot for guys just like you in da course space, my man. Can I send over a Loom and show you how?"

I’m not exaggerating here. This is what 99.9% of my inbox looks like. And it’s absolutely ridiculous.

Andy stood out from the crowd.

He saw a little opportunity in March of 2022 to help me fix a few buttons on my mobile website. And later that year, he piqued my interest by telling me, “My niche is branding and storytelling for solopreneurs. Wanna go all out on your site to set the bar high,” and then delivering a valuable Google Sheet of websites I could peruse and get excited by.

When I asked a clarifying question? He delivered a thoughtful and well-articulated answer.

In April of 2023, 13 months after his first message, I paid Andy $43,000 to design my new website. And I couldn’t be happier with the results.

Was Andy’s the perfect example of cold outreach? Maybe not. Maybe so.

But with the bar so low these days, there’s certainly some good information you can glean from our exchange.

How to Make People Want to Help You

Here’s some stuff that works better than any cold outreach template:

1. Research enough to find a real gap or opportunity.
2. Show you understand the person’s specific situation.
3. Offer something concrete before asking for anything.
4. Make it easy for your prospect to say yes (or no).

The difference is in the details.

"I'd love to help grow your business" is plain vanilla, vague, and not remotely interesting. Everybody’s writing that.

"Writing to suggest you improve contrast of the buttons. Really tough to read and Google penalizes you for using inaccessible colors. Both impact conversion."

BAM. Now we’re talking.

Literally.

The Bottom Line

We're all busy. We're all fighting for attention. And we all want to ask for help sometimes.

But the people who get responses to cold outreach aren't the ones with the perfect pitch. They're the folks who take time to understand what others need before asking for what they want.

I'm not always perfect at this, but I'm learning. And I hope you will too.

Because when you focus on providing value first, people will be inclined to respond.

And that's all for this week.

See you next Saturday.

P.S. Like Andy's work on my website? You can learn more about his business here.